God's Motivational Seminar

So today God came through for me in a big tangible way. I’ve been really unmotivated lately and I woke up this morning thinking, “Is there any reason for me to get out of bed today?” This didn’t really seem healthy, so I was a little concerned for myself. Later I was reading the book “Primal Leadership” and it seemed rather ironic that I was on the chapter called “Motivation to Change.” It told the story of this little boy Logan who went on vacation for a week at his uncle’s house and every day he would spring out of bed at 5am because he was so excited to work with his uncle on the farm. The point of the chapter is basically that you need to get in touch with yourself and evaluate where you’re falling short of your ideals, because you may have slipped into habits that are creating inertia in your life. It talked about the “Logan test” and asked the question, “Do you awake each morning excited about the day, not wanting to sleep any more than absolutely necessary?” It hit just a little too close to home and I wondered “God? What are you up to here?”

The thing I’m struggling with is that I’m doing the kind of work I’ve dreamed of and planned for since high school! This has been my goal for SEVEN years, yet here I am and I don’t even want to get out of bed? What’s that about? I tried to think of things that I get excited about and compare it with what I actually do here. One of the things that has been on my mind for a long time is how much I miss ministering at my church. Before I went to study French in Switzerland last year, I was leading a 7th grade girls small group. It was so awesome! In my mind, it was the most fruitful time of my life. Since then I haven’t really had a ministry. I’m a “missionary” but my work involves sitting in an office a good part of the time. Sure I interact with people and can invest in them in little ways from time to time, but I miss that set apart time at church where I have the freedom to minister directly, teaching the Word of God and praying for people and experiencing the presence of the Spirit together. I wrote to an old friend today that I feel like I need to get back into a more hands-on kind of ministry, like maybe that would make life feel meaningful again. So back to God coming through for me in a big tangible way…

I went to my local church today for a seminar. I noticed that about half the people present were young girls! For a good part of the sermon I couldn’t even listen ‘cause my mind was racing over all the cool things I could do with these girls. They don’t have anything geared towards them and it’s a bummer that they only teaching they get is a sermon from the pulpit on Sunday. I know most of them a little bit and after the service they all gathered around me. It was weird ‘cause it was like they were all just waiting for me to ask them to do something together! So I was like “Uh, we should get together some time.” We had started arranging what day would be good when the pastor came over (a man who also works with me at SIL) and he said, “This is Jessica. She’s going to be your leader now. You will meet with her and she will teach you things.” Just like that!!

So I feel like maybe God likes me a little bit :o) He set things up so that I would realize this deep need in my life and just when I was feeling the most distressed about it, He comes through with this God-sized gift! He is good.