One of my favorite hobbies is matchmaking. I enjoy predicting who will hook up or even suggesting to others who they'd go well with. My record isn't too shabby either :o) My friend Angela, faithful reader of this blog, can attest to that--married now for close to 3 years! Something I've joked about for maybe 2 years now is making my hobby into an official Wycliffe vocation. The last few days, I'm actually wondering if I should take it more seriously...
I've often joked that we should have our own missionary matchmaking service. Most missionaries are fairly isolated from one another, with few opportunities to meet others with the same calling and interests. But it has always remained a joke to me because it seemed rather "unspiritual." Yesterday, however, I discovered that a missionary friend (who shall remain anonymous!) has started using E-Harmony. I was totally shocked! But after some thought I've decided that if I were this person I'd probably do the same thing. And others who found out about it were like, "Yeah, why not?" Then tonight I started thinking about all the arranged marriages that have taken place over the centuries all around the world and about how finding a life partner doesn't have to be "spontaneous" or out of nowhere. Even in my culture it's often a friend or family member who introduces a couple to each other because they think they'd go well together. I also think about the people in the "Wild West" and missionaries of old (and even today) who married out of "convenience" because there wasn't time for a long courtship. Also earlier this evening I stumbled upon the personal ads in the local paper here. The Christian man whose house I live in met his wife 30 years ago through such an ad!
So I want to hear from you...Why not have a similar system for missionaries? My friend using E-Harmony has to wade through all the profile matches that aren't missionaries and the personal ads contain few Christians. Almost all the single missionaries I know would like to find a mate. Sadly, many of them have climbed in years, and I imagine these single people wishing and waiting as they're scattered around the globe without a way to get into contact with each other. I know that God is completely able to have people cross paths even in the remotest of locations, but would it be bad if that crossing of paths were facilitated? I've yet to think through exactly how I could go about creating this facilitation, but in general what do you think? Missionaries, I'd especially like to hear from you!
OK, so I feel like a total dork for posting this :o) Hope it goes over well!
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8 comments:
hey ca! GREAT idea... although i thought i'd share something i just read in an old oprah magazine: :)
Frank Krause Phd (clinical psychologist for 30 years working with families) says: "No one should ever get married before they're 30. The period from birth to 18 is an organizational period. Eighteen to 30 is an exploration period of your life - you're exploring career, relationship, really finding out who you are. Of couples that get married in their early twenties, only a small percentage survive. For those who wait till they get through the exploration period, the prognosis is much better. My advice is get through your twenties and don't start having babies till you're in your mid-thirties."
:) thought you'd like that. but considering that none of the REST of your family is getting any younger - HEY, COULD YOU SPEED THINGS UP A BIT?! hee hee
Jess-as your brother and I were spending a lazy Sunday morning before work reading of your latest exploits in Switzerland, we were entertained by your recent postings concerning marriage. We decided that we should join the fray with our little opinion on the subject.
We especially liked Cath's blog about the article in the old Oprah magazine and we agree in part with what Dr. Kraus had to say about the different phases of one's life. We did have a different perspective, however, on when is the best phase of life for marriage. We have often discussed the topic of what our lives would have been like had we not married each other as young as we did. The conclusion of each discussion is the same. We feel blessed that we discovered each other during our "exploration phase". We have become adults TOGETHER , growing and maturing as a couple, developing qualities as two joined people. We now share a lifetime of common experiences and memories. We have learned how to be mature adults as a couple, not as individuals. One of our nieces said it best when she was younger. We are "caseynancy", one entity. The name is the same for both. We are not Casey and Nancy.
By the way, we love your blog!!!
Jessica,
Like you, I've considered this topic some. We've discussed how, out of all the guys in the world, only a percentage are Christians. Out of those, a small percentage are truly honorable, neat guys who are worth marrying. Factor in a plan for life-long missionary service and then specify a particular geographic area or ministry type (i.e. Wycliffe linguist in French Africa), and you're down to what, .00000001% of the guy population? (Of course, the same is true regarding ladies.)
There are a few ways to deal with this issue. One is to expect to never marry. (You're the one who told me that, statistically, you have a 10% chance of getting a ring at this point, right?)
Another method is to devote countless hours to fervent prayer that God would see fit to bring your ideal match to your thatched doorstep (or its variation, one or two prayers and then lots of waiting). Many choose this path. It has the dual benefits of possibly working out and "seeming spiritual," but one wonders sometimes whether it's the only way.
Your unnamed friend has tried the third method: non-specialized matchmaking services. There are countless variations on this, including personal or internet ads and being set up by people you know. There is a chance this will work for a missionary or missionary-to-be, but the chances are much higher for those who plan to stay in-country or have relatively normal jobs.
The fourth method, to my knowledge, does not exist. This, of course, is what you are thinking of: a service that combines method 1 (prayer) with method 2 (matchmaking based on personality, beliefs, country of residence :), etc.), but is set up especially for missionaries. The problem with using a service like eharmony.com is that most single missionaries who would like to marry probably don't have their own eharmony accounts.
Of course, you hit on one reason for this, which is that somehow we seem to think it's not very "spiritual" to go out and actively look for a mate. On the other hand, I think God is fairly practical. He tends to emphasize main points, like 'trust Me for your needs,' while also saying things like 'be a wise steward of the resources I've given you charge of.'
I think that if you, Jessica, could find a way to help people meet (and at least have some options) who don't think "single, but looking" and "missionary" have to be mutually exclusive, well, more power to you.
I guess I've always been curious, though, what percentage of those on the field are still hoping God has someone for them, and what percentage are resigned to, or happy with, single service.
Also, there's still the issue of needing more guy missonaries, isn't there? That's a whole separate issue, however!
I know this is incredibly long for a blog reply, but the subject hits a nerve, as you can tell by the number of replies you've had so far. Something to think about?
Hi, I don't know you but believe it or not, I am a single missionary who found your blog while searching to see if there was such a thing as a matchmaking service specifically for missionaries.
We need one! We really need one! Like your friend, I have tried E-harmony, but there seem to be very few missionaries using that service. I think a great solution would be a service where single missionaries could sign up and be matched with other single missionaries serving in the same part of the world.
I don't think there is anything "unspiritual" about it -- except in the sense that the taco I just ate is unspiritual. Most of us are not called to spend 24 hours a day in prayer and seclusion, ignoring the physical and pragmatic issues of daily life. It can seem unromantic to use a service, but that's a different matter.
I am currently widowed 6 years and looking for a mate who would be willing to go with me to the Navajo reservation. That effectively eliminates everyone from Match.com (they all want the ocean and/or their grandchildren)and e.harmony so far! Was thinking myself that we need a service to match missionaries and the missions-minded. Wouldn't know how to do it myself, though. What's neede is to have areas you'd be willing or feel called to serve in, as well as denominations or independent.
Jenny
Jenny
Whoever said "I...found your blog while searching to see if there was such a thing as a matchmaking service specifically for missionaries." I was doing the same thing. But I am not on the field (yet)
I'm about to finish my schooling and step out in my life calling, but I want to find a wife to travel with me on this adventure.
I think a missionary matchmaking site would be awesome. (Anyone readin this I'm 22, interetsed in Muslims, Chinese, micro-enterprise business, the poor, orphans...haha) but seriously, It's hard enough finding a passionate woman of God, then finding one that likes you, and has a life calling that matches yours. Sometimes I just want to cry and give up hope.
We can call it www.Moravian-Match.com. Those of you who know your missions history will understand that joke :)
I've recently just tried Match.com and Christiancafe.com, but I think those are hopeless for finding someone with the same calling.
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